I have got to say that the most fun, tiring, crazy, exciting, boring, dirty job that I have ever had was a Newspaper Route. I’m not talking about a “throw onto the front porch while riding by on my bicycle” kid paper route. I am talking about “up all hours of the night, 365 days a year, car packed to the roof, speeding all over town” adult paper route. – And I LOVED IT!!
The Basic Gist of a Paper Route
Every night after the presses run, trucks head out to depots all over the city delivering bundles of edge-of-your-seat information about the day’s news events, headlines, birth announcements, and obituaries. Then it is my job to add some coupons (you’re welcome) and get them to you before the sun comes up!
“Extra, Extra Read All About It”
It’s a pretty easy gig. Unless something spectacular is going on like the World Series. Yes, I have all of the cover pages from St. Louis Cardinals 2011 World Series Games. Then there will be an “EXTRA Edition” of the paper… typically printed out to deliver spectacular or breaking news before or after the “normal” edition. – I miss it!
GO CARDS!!
Games run into overtime or extra innings – papers come later. Presses break down – papers come late. Blizzard and storms – papers come late. Crunch time to get the news out doubles! – And I miss it!
Biggest Paper Route Day of the Year – Black Friday
And then there is BLACK FRIDAY. The biggest newspaper day of the year. It’s the 3 inch thick paper delivered the day after Thanksgiving that has every Christmas ad you can think of packed inside.
Preparation begins weeks before this paper comes. You have to bring in a crew to get the job done. It’s exhausting! – But I miss it!
The Other 360 Days of the Year
The rest of the year runs like business as usual. Up at 2:00a.m. (Check out this alarm clock for heavy sleepers.) Rub the sleep out of my eyes. Throw on some news ink stained clothes and a ponytail. Arrive at the depot just to sit and wait. And wait. And wait.
The tractor trailer brings the goods and the warehouse buzzes like a well oiled machine. Stuff, band, load and I’m off to the dark sleeping city. With the radio blaring, a polar pop (giant soda) on hand, I speed through town.
No time for red lights or stop signs. In and out of businesses delivering the news on the front stoop. (I had a business route, but I have done my son’s residential throwing route more than I wanted to. An aim that could knock out a garden gnome with one hand tied behind my back – or on the wheel 😉
I would drop the last bundle just before the sun came up. It was a beautiful thing.
Paper Route Delivery Tales
Driving every night for over 8 years, I have some great and not so great adventures of my own that could have made the news. Or at least the comics.
My Scoops
Once when I stopped at the Post Office Paper Box on a dead end road, a car came speeding towards me. My adrenaline was going as I sprinted back to my car with only a box cutter in hand. It was an officer speeding to me to find out why someone would be back by these closed businesses in the middle of the night. Not sure why his lights weren’t on, but I yelled at him like I was his mother!
Same Officer, different night and business. I pulled up to deliver my papers and he was outside of his car flapping his arms and spinning around. A giant moth had gotten into his car. –hysterical!
Same Post Office another time I saw someone inside looking out at me. SCARED I ran back to the car screaming!!! Come to find out, it was a life sized cardboard Postman display.
I have chased teenagers running from the cops. Once I held a heroin overdosed girl, freezing on a store parking lot until help arrived. I was first on the scene of serious car accidents making sure everyone was alright. So many stories. So many crazy memories.
Boo & Lee Lou’s Chronicles
I don’t know if any of you have ever seen 30 Days of Night, but after seeing that movie about Vampires, the paper route becomes a little scarier.
Boo and Lee Lou pulled up to a lone Newspaper Box – those yellow boxes with a pull down door, only visible by a dim street light. The only building around was an old abandoned stone mansion. Creepy even on a normal night.
They jumped out leaving the car doors open. One unlocked and opened the hinged box door, they other stuffed the papers in. And then they sprinted back to the still running car.
Lee Lou slipped on the loose gravel and fell flat on her back. When Boo jumped into the car, there was no Lee Lou so she screamed and threw the car in reverse knowing that the vampires got Lee Lou and she was next.
Before Boo could move, Lee Lou sprung up onto the seat half in and half out of the car knowing that her sister was about to leave her behind in order to save herself. –sister love.
Another story Boo shared was when the 7-11 worker handed her a brown paper bag and told her to give it to the SHELL guy down the road. She was so nervous about it. Day 3 she looked in the bag. Taquitos!
A fun favorite was being frisked at the Defense Mapping Agency. That will wake you up for sure.
Jaybird’s Nonfictions
On a typical evening on Jaybird’s throwing route, he would fly up and down residential neighborhoods hitting every driveway and front porch with a paper.
One night an officer pulled him over which was the norm on a route until your car is recognized by the local police. The officer said, son I just watched you blow through 6 stop signs. –Oops!!
Jaybird has also bought a telephone pole and lived to tell about it. He was going less than 5mph –thank God! Those poles are not cheap!
Another night when Jaybird was stopped, the policeman went back to the patrol car to run his information. Watching thru the side car mirror, Jay could see the officer approach the car with his hand on his weapon yelling to him to put his hands out the window and to tell the officer his social security number. Another person with the same exact name and close birthdate was wanted for a double murder. –Whew!
Even Jason Had a Memoir
At the big store chains, we would put large racks out to hold hundreds of Saturday papers. One particular Saturday, the papers were thicker than normal and had a lot of slicks (shiny coupon cards) inside. The whole night was spent straightening up these awkward papers. At Jason’s last stop, he stacked bundles and bundles of thick Saturday Posts one on top of another. As he walked away exhausted from the long evening, all he heard was WHOOSSHHHH!!! He never looked back! –Done!
Newspaper Recycling
These days we recycle, reuse, and repurpose our newspapers. Here are some great crafts and ideas to do with your old newspapers.
Uses for The Paper Route Recyclables
See how to make Biodegradable Seedling Pots. This post is a DYI on how to make cups used to start plants until established. After you assemble planter cups, place them in a safe place where the seedlings can get sunlight and air.
Once the seedlings are ready for planting, simply place the entire cup into the ground. This way, you get to transfer the seedling without disturbing its roots. Eventually, the newspaper will disintegrate without causing any harm to your plant.
You can make envelopes from recycled paper. Hometalk.com has an easy to follow tutorial on how to make them.
The Paper Route Crafts
How cute are these Newspaper Snails. What a fun way to use old newspapers. Easy and kid friendly.
Check out this post on 42 Simple Newspaper Crafts for Kids. Great ideas that are simple and easy to do. There are so many amazing ideas. I am definitely going to try some with my grandchildren this summer.
Using The Paper Route old newspapers for DIY decorations 
The ideas are endless when looking for ways to use your old newspapers. From paper Mache to cover your counters when frying foods. Old newspapers will always come in handy.
I sure do miss that Old Route. We still tell stories about it when we get together. What was your favorite job? I would love to hear about it in the comments below ~Susie Peas.
Here is my DIY Bunting post that you can do with old newspapers! Or save your newspapers for crafts at Grandma Camp.
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